https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health daily 0.75 2025-04-29 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/managing-worries-about-the-world-a-guide-to-calming-the-chaos monthly 0.5 2025-04-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1745338412817-OK11O6VGKK7ZW1VWGH79/unsplash-image-FYOwBvRb2Mk.jpg Mental Health - Managing Worries About the World: A Guide to Calming the Chaos The rapid advancement of AI technology brings both promise and panic. On one hand, it has the potential to revolutionize healthcare, education, and everyday life. On the other, it raises concerns about job security, privacy, what it means to be human, and potential existential worry about humanity. These mixed emotions can generate a persistent, low-level anxiety that may not always be easy to name. To manage these feelings, start by acknowledging them. Anxiety thrives in ambiguity, and clearly labeling your worries can help ground your thoughts. Next, educate yourself. Staying informed with balanced, evidence-based sources can help replace fear with knowledge. There are two drastically different schools of thought, and everything in between - take something from each and know that nobody knows what will happen (so its not helpful to presume to know, like the anxiety would have us believe). Practice mindful technology use by setting boundaries around your screen time and avoiding doomscrolling, or overindulging your curiosity about what may happen. Remember, it’s okay to unplug. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1745338490423-M5ZDYEB4B0B1PJ0OM55A/unsplash-image-AX6mFEv6mpY.jpg Mental Health - Managing Worries About the World: A Guide to Calming the Chaos Political discourse today often feels more divisive than ever. Whether it’s international conflict or domestic debates, staying informed can sometimes feel like choosing between ignorance and overwhelm. For many people, especially parents trying to raise socially aware children and retain their values, this tension leads to chronic stress. Rather than immersing yourself in the 24-hour news cycle, set intentional limits. Choose specific times to catch up on current events and stick to reputable, unbiased news sources. Therapy is another space where you can explore political anxiety without judgment, offering clarity and emotional support. Remember, we have seen ups and downs over many decades with political divisiveness - and at the end of the day - we are in the most safe, prosperous, and arguably ‘just’ place we have ever been. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1745338601597-5HNHJBJNOZLC3QGL5NSL/unsplash-image-r1BS0pzlr1M.jpg Mental Health - Managing Worries About the World: A Guide to Calming the Chaos Climate change is another significant source of anxiety, especially for younger generations. The sense of impending doom tied to extreme weather events, species extinction, and environmental degradation can feel paralyzing. This type of worry, often called "eco-anxiety," is becoming increasingly common. Start by validating your feelings. It makes sense to be sad / scared about the planet. Then acknowledge that the intrusive thoughts and unnecessary worry will not change the planet - they just make you suffer - and it might be because your habits / behaviours don't align perfectly with who you want to be, so: https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1745338716337-REMZEF59770BBL193Q6W/unsplash-image-7okkFhxrxNw.jpg Mental Health - Managing Worries About the World: A Guide to Calming the Chaos Worrying about potential job loss or career disruption can be deeply unsettling. Whether your industry is shifting due to a trade war, increasing automation, downsizing, or economic downturns, uncertainty about your professional future can cause a significant amount of stress. Pro tip: To navigate these anxieties, start by connecting to how you have been through hard things before. All of us have overcome hardships in our lives - including you. Remember how you have gone through hard things and trust in yourself - that you will find a way, however the future unfolds. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1745338803572-RN8M51RXOB6NNB5LZYR2/unsplash-image-0iqkntLw93A.jpg Mental Health - Managing Worries About the World: A Guide to Calming the Chaos Balancing family obligations with personal and professional responsibilities can feel like walking a tightrope. Parents often worry about their children’s future, academic success, social development, and mental health. These overlapping concerns can quickly spiral into anxiety. It’s essential to practice self-compassion. In both my personal experience as a parent and husband, and my professional experience as a therapist - I think we can sometimes carry a little too much parent guilt. You’re doing the best you can, and perfection isn’t the goal. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help—whether from a partner, friend, or therapist. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1745338910194-0IHK8L56ZCHTAV86P2MF/unsplash-image-U7N4fMhJpEg.jpg Mental Health - Managing Worries About the World: A Guide to Calming the Chaos With inflation, the housing market, and Canadians carrying too much debt making headlines, it’s no wonder so many families in Coquitlam are worried about money. Financial anxiety can be one of the most persistent forms of stress, often affecting sleep, relationships, and self-esteem. Start by separating facts from fears. Use financial planning tools (there are lots of helpful budget planning docs free on Google) or speak with a financial advisor through your bank to create a realistic budget and future plan. This can turn vague financial worries into actionable steps. Emotionally, recognize that you are not alone. Economic stress is a shared burden, not a personal failure. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/embracing-mindfulness-a-path-to-mental-well-being monthly 0.5 2025-02-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/7130f4f3-6415-43b8-9271-0ff5e3eb536a/Screenshot+2025-01-13+11.35.47+AM.png Mental Health - Embracing Mindfulness: A Path to Mental Well-being - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1736799054287-0FH6YVT024B1GTT1WPK3/unsplash-image-NTyBbu66_SI.jpg Mental Health - Embracing Mindfulness: A Path to Mental Well-being Meditation is a core practice in developing mindfulness. It involves setting aside time to focus on the breath, bodily sensations, or a particular thought, allowing the mind to settle and become more aware of the present moment. This practice can help reduce stress and improve focus, making it a powerful tool for mental health. For beginners, guided meditations can provide structure and direction, making it easier to establish a regular practice. Over time, individuals can transition to unguided sessions, deepening their mindfulness skills and enhancing their overall well-being. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1736799198213-CQIH68PPEX3N3DXKQBYP/unsplash-image-nKCtkaW4JU4.jpg Mental Health - Embracing Mindfulness: A Path to Mental Well-being Yoga combines physical postures, breathing exercises, and meditation to promote mental and physical well-being. This practice encourages a connection between the body and mind, fostering a deeper sense of awareness and presence. Incorporating yoga into a mindfulness routine can help individuals become more attuned to their bodies, recognizing signs of tension or stress early. This awareness can lead to more effective stress management and a greater sense of balance and harmony in daily life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1736799397170-D2AEYS5723ZQUZHWNTQ9/unsplash-image-H22N-9s8AUw.jpg Mental Health - Embracing Mindfulness: A Path to Mental Well-being - Mindful Eating for Greater Awareness Mindful eating involves paying close attention to the experience of eating, including the taste, texture, and aroma of food. This practice encourages individuals to eat slowly, savor each bite, and recognize feelings of hunger and fullness. By focusing on the present moment during meals, mindful eating can help reduce overeating and improve digestion. It also promotes a healthier relationship with food, reducing emotional eating and enhancing overall well-being. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1736799546286-4CNGMD687MIF7GHDGWTX/unsplash-image--9BI15aC9UQ.jpg Mental Health - Embracing Mindfulness: A Path to Mental Well-being Mindful walking is a practice that involves bringing awareness to the experience of walking, focusing on the sensations of each step and the environment around you. This practice can be done anywhere, making it a convenient way to incorporate mindfulness into daily life. By engaging in mindful walking, individuals can reduce stress and increase their sense of connection to the present moment. This practice also provides an opportunity to reflect and recharge, enhancing mental clarity and emotional balance. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/a-how-to-guide-for-self-compassion monthly 0.5 2024-09-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/6f975af6-b3a4-48f1-b08c-c7b17c37389e/Screenshot+2024-09-20+11.51.05+AM.png Mental Health - A How-To Guide for Self-Compassion - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/a59ef9d4-9961-431c-b173-8ab26979cfcb/Screenshot+2024-09-20+11.50.23+AM.png Mental Health - A How-To Guide for Self-Compassion - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/3a83da75-be53-47c4-ba80-49f5d2a4b754/Screenshot+2024-09-20+11.51.31+AM.png Mental Health - A How-To Guide for Self-Compassion - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/a20f1fa2-32ea-44a6-a3be-2ef6214aeece/Screenshot+2024-09-20+11.52.07+AM.png Mental Health - A How-To Guide for Self-Compassion - It is crucial to distinguish self-compassion from self-pity. While self-pity focuses on personal suffering and can lead to a sense of isolation, self-compassion acknowledges our struggles within a broader human context. Self-pity tends to emphasize egocentric feelings of separation, amplifying personal distress (Gilbert, 2005). In contrast, self-compassion allows individuals to adopt a perspective that recognizes the shared nature of suffering. This broader view helps individuals contextualize their experiences, providing mental space to consider that while their struggles are significant, they are not unique (Neff, 2011). Pro Tip: does your self-talk have a ‘woes me’ vibe? Is it focused on the world rather than me and my choices? If so, its probably leaning towards self-pity. Instead of focusing on how you are uniquely hard done by, focus on how you can see how its been hard, and how that is a shared experience with other humans (and fundamentally universal, although the details of course have to do with your unique life story). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1477a579-8bd1-4205-b1b2-e0a1a2ed8884/Screenshot+2024-09-20+11.52.58+AM.png Mental Health - A How-To Guide for Self-Compassion - Another common misconception is equating self-compassion with self-indulgence. Some fear that practicing self-compassion will lead to laziness or overindulgence, such as avoiding responsibilities in favor of pleasure-seeking behaviors. However, true self-compassion involves a commitment to long-term well-being, which may sometimes require making difficult choices (Keng, Smoski, & Robins, 2011). While self-indulgence seeks immediate gratification, self-compassion fosters a supportive environment for personal growth and health, even if it involves facing uncomfortable truths about oneself. This compassionate approach can motivate individuals to change and grow without resorting to self-criticism, allowing for greater self-awareness and acceptance (Neff & Germer, 2013). Pro Tip: In simple terms, know that having self-compassion is not only good for you, but good for those around you because those around you do better when you do better - hence, it is not a selfish act, nor self-indulgence. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/7hy2r4b15bb7hpk5zrlpkpv00shwug monthly 0.5 2024-06-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718316698634-Y1P8VYJ48S49JHM2IQKD/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web Research indicates a bidirectional relationship between the two, where individuals with depression are more prone to substance abuse, and substance use can exacerbate depressive symptoms, and even cause depressive symptoms (with substance misuse of ‘downers’ like barbiturates or benzodiazepines). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718316988942-L75EXOSJ65B7LLQ4VQ05/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web Ever noticed that it's hard to enjoy things or have much fun when you are hungover? Yep, thats acute anhedonia, not just ‘dehydration and a bad sleep’ https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718317130937-7DD9N4KW5EUJMAOIARRU/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web Have you ever noticed after a night of drinking socially that you are a little more ‘on edge’ the next day? Well that is common and it can increase symptoms of anxiety. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718317332728-NXBCZ6TQNOI9USJJEDD9/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web - We first want to get to your ‘why’: Why create change? What problems are you seeing and where do you see them evolving to if you do nothing? What is the life you want to build for yourself and why? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718317485392-7L7NY7G2YUPIIUXKGEI3/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web - Next, we will move to really get to understand how mental health challenges cause or interact with a cycle of use or addiction in ones’ life. How and when do mental health symptoms show up for you? When do you use your substance? What is the pattern? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718317638227-4JMSH4DJ3ZNOU3NV3750/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web - Then we create strategies, develop coping skills, and work towards building a healthier and more sustainable life. Breathing techniques Self soothing through words, self affirmation, journaling Exercise ‘Going into the body’ and ‘slowing down’ - meditation, present-ness activities, focusing techniques on ones’ somatic experience How and when to connect with safe others Effective and healthy distractions https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1718317915874-VA3OAU48V1DKF0ZPID9K/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Substance Use and Mental Health - Unraveling a Complex Web - Lastly, we go move to deeply heal what may be related to, or causing this. Whether its adverse childhood experiences, pain and shame from enduring years of stigma and ‘what others think’ of ones’ mental health issue, or a trauma https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/navigating-the-storm-a-guide-to-coping-with-stress-and-anxiety monthly 0.5 2024-04-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976038030-S9K6IW9BQGHF5BPCC98G/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Stress is a demand placed on ones’ brain or body - it is about something I am doing now Anxiety is a feeling of fear or worry - it is about something that may come in the future, but isnt the current state of affairs https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/f25d0d89-a3af-429c-a13f-183c81a54f64/Screenshot+2024-04-24+9.17.10+AM.png Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/d9648dca-cd77-470b-8839-d6493d7b7ebc/Screenshot+2024-04-24+9.21.27+AM.png Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety In moments of distress, grounding techniques anchor us to the present. Research published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders (2009) supports the efficacy of grounding exercises, such as focusing on sensory experiences, in reducing acute anxiety. Here is one technique: https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976176118-ZG6SAJJ0046YKJ0AK4NW/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Long-term coping involves addressing the root causes of stress. Research by Greenhaus and Beutell (1985) highlights the impact of work-life balance on mental health. Consider reassessing and restructuring your work life to create an environment that fosters well-being. Of course, there are many variables with this: how stressful is the job? How many work hours/week are you working? How many of those hours are ‘mundane’, ‘routine’, or ‘stress free’? How many of those hours are fun, thrilling, or ‘fill up your cup’ and give you a sense of purpose? Depending on how these things are for you, it may make sense to re-evaluate values and what's important overall and look at making some changes if life circumstances are creating a ‘difficult to thrive’ or even a ‘likely to be not well’ kind of mental health outcome for you. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713975831264-YWMOXT8WMVY8AHR6T98O/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety - A robust social support system is integral to long-term mental health. Studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1994) emphasize the positive correlation between social support and psychological well-being. Much research since then has determined causation: yes, social support is very helpful for mental health. To optimize our outcomes long-term, we need to cultivate meaningful connections and lean on your support network during challenging times - not an easy thing to do in this day and age with work and family demands! Its often helpful to talk this through with a therapist or loved one, so a plan can be made and change can happen in this area, if things aren't quite there. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976398077-ZOTJY6064IXVI0D9TCTO/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Life is ever-changing, and developing adaptability is key to coping with stress. The American Psychologist (2004) emphasizes the importance of resilience in navigating life's challenges. Embrace change as an opportunity for growth ‘I’ll be better in the end because of this experience’ and as mentioned above cultivate a resilient mindset ‘I can do hard things’. Not only is this a short-term solution for distress, the more we think in these ways the more it becomes the default - hence, it is perhaps the ultimate in long-term strategies. The more we think and believe in our bones that we can get through anything and that we will get through it - the more we do - and it builds on itself. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976307444-GL1VOLK6HW2TGBT6B68C/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Exploring the mind-body connection is vital for long-term well-being. Integrative approaches, including yoga and mindfulness meditation, have demonstrated efficacy in managing stress and anxiety (Davidson et al., 2003). Incorporating these practices into your routine promotes holistic mental health. To me, these are more long-term, as often individuals don't see the big changes happen abruptly - it tends to be a more of a slow shift that builds up over time. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976481627-OC25I7N1KJOM0SQPSR3U/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Pro tip: If steady state cardio (ex. A run, using the elliptical or stationary bike) doesnt ‘distract you away’ from rumination, try a guided weight training workout on youtube. I like the ‘HASfit’ channel personally. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976586043-21PAR3LJW1WDCZDXJN95/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Proper nutrition plays a crucial role in mitigating anxiety and stress levels. The relationship between diet and mental health has garnered significant attention in recent years, with research consistently indicating that nutrient-rich diets positively impact psychological well-being (Jacka, 2017). Several mechanisms underline this connection, including the modulation of neurotransmitter function, neuroinflammation, and the gut-brain axis, particularly through the influence of the microbiome. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976655291-SV5BIPI78YT5PTKQI3EP/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Firstly, essential nutrients such as omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins B6, B12, and folate, and minerals like zinc and magnesium, are involved in neurotransmitter synthesis and regulation. For instance, omega-3 fatty acids are vital for maintaining the structural integrity of brain cell membranes, facilitating neuronal communication, which can influence mood regulation and stress response. Similarly, B vitamins are essential co-factors in the synthesis of neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), all of which are implicated in mood regulation. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1713976916146-ZT2KVWE54XBYOGOXD3UG/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Navigating the Storm: A Guide to Coping with Stress and Anxiety Sometimes, navigating the storm requires professional guidance. Psychotherapy, supported by numerous studies, including those in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (2013), provides a structured and supportive space to explore and cope with stressors. Pro tip: As always with therapy, the right fit is critical to enacting change. Find the therapist that really clicks for you. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/unveiling-the-tapestry-of-life-exploring-the-significance-of-legacy monthly 0.5 2024-02-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1708638106613-IPG34QQM4XXGYWNJ3JU2/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Unveiling the Tapestry of Life: Exploring the Significance of Legacy - Helpful questions to ask: Where am I on the developmental curve between 1 year old and ‘sun set age’? How does that inform me of my focus (or lack thereof) with legacy? Do I think this may change for me? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1708638515511-HQD4P8CIZDX95AVFT1GZ/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Unveiling the Tapestry of Life: Exploring the Significance of Legacy - Helpful questions to ask: How can I live my life fully knowing I may die at any moment? What are other people there for? How can I be me? How should I live? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1708638607815-XC42QKRC8W13OF4LYDQM/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Unveiling the Tapestry of Life: Exploring the Significance of Legacy - Helpful questions to ask: Does this kind of thinking serve me in this moment, or can I put it away for now? Will anything bad happen if I opt to think about this another time? What can I re-focus on in this moment, so I can work on changing this unhelpful thinking pattern? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1708638709538-S1IU9XY4Q1BR2MVH3B1V/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Unveiling the Tapestry of Life: Exploring the Significance of Legacy - Helpful questions to ask: Do I need to work on this right now? Do I need help getting more clear on my drive for legacy, and creating consistent action to make it happen? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1708638865194-UVWQG6U828ARLTO0JCS0/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Unveiling the Tapestry of Life: Exploring the Significance of Legacy - Helpful questions to ask: What are the big picture impacts on people in my life / community / the world that I would like to work towards? How can I change my day-to-day/week-to-week patterns so I can be proud/happy once I look back on my life? What can I do today to change/improve something, so I can look back and see I have achieved meaning? https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/qojycs4gxfiy272677goe2ewupagt8 monthly 0.5 2023-10-16 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/changing-your-mental-health-takes-daily-work monthly 0.5 2024-09-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1694750693488-5EF88DUF70VZ6ATTW62K/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - Changing your Mental Health Takes Daily Work - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/afbde4f3-fa73-4ac4-8bc2-2daf0676ce37/Screenshot+2023-09-13+9.59.09+AM.png Mental Health - Changing your Mental Health Takes Daily Work - It's also crucial to understand that changing your mental health isn't a linear process. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad days. It's all part of the journey. But the key is to keep moving forward, even if it's just one step at a time. The daily work you put into improving your mental health can make a significant difference in the long run. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/Blog Post Title One-s73np-t4f5h monthly 0.5 2024-04-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/61d3641c-3c6c-42cc-b340-3384f201920b/Ways-to-Increase-Your-Emotional-Intelligence-1024x538-1.png Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690256662060-0VWB21Q18T3JF27QVEGF/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 1. Regular Physical Exercise Engage in regular physical activity, such as walking, running, yoga, sports, or any form of exercise you enjoy. Obviously there is a wide array of opinions about what constitutes ‘exercise’ - it can be as approachable as just going for a 20 minute walk most days. Regular physical exercise has been extensively studied and is known to have various benefits for mental health. Exercise promotes the release of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, and it can also reduce stress and anxiety. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690257263082-5SG8FIUQ07QESJM3SOTB/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 2. Healthy Diet Nourish your body with a balanced and nutritious diet. Sorry to get a bit ‘preachy’ but the brain is an organ - it needs good nutrition to function properly, and when it doesn't function properly over time, problems bigger than just ‘thought fog’ or suboptimal memory can emerge. The Canadian food guide tells us that around HALF of what we eat should be vegetables. Certain foods, like those rich in omega-3 fatty acids, have been linked to better mental health. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690257529064-8D1DDL8X8OUDPHCT5REL/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 3. Vitamin D It is well established that a big chunk of the population in Canada is Vitamin D deficient… There are many issues this can cause, one of which is single handedly causing depression! You can get your physician to do a blood test, or just buy a Costco bottle of vitamin D tablets that will probably expire before you can even take them all. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690257751088-656PF7H2PSJB0OEP1Y93/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 4. Adequate Sleep Ensure you get enough sleep each night, as lack of sleep can negatively impact mental health and cognitive functioning. Do you think you are one of those super humans who only needs 4 hours of sleep per night? Extremely improbable - less than .01% of the population can do so. We all need 7-8 hours of sleep per night - if a person doesn't get that consistently, bad things happen to the brain and body over time. Make a sleep schedule and stick to it. Find ways to get back to sleep if you wake up within your ‘sleep window’. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690258042210-LM58IN4OTDYMXMA33HXL/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 5. Gum Health Ummm, what? This therapist is giving me the same lecture about gum health as my dentist now? Yes - studies show that poor gum health significantly increases the risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Researchers postulate that ‘bad’ bacteria cultivated in the gums can get into the bloodstream and cause a host of health issues due to inflammation! We also know that inflammation can be a causal factor with mood disorders. This is still new research, but initial findings are quite striking. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690258229369-0WJPYH6929DDY3CICLOD/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 6. Social Support I’ll never forget the prof in my intro to clinical psychology course explaining “social support is the penicillin of treating psychological disorders'' - in other words, it's the thing that fixes a lot of things that can go wrong in terms of mental health and psychological wellbeing. Maintain a strong social network and spend time with family and friends. Nobody ever seems to talk about the work involved in sustaining a healthy social support system - I can just acknowledge that YES, it takes consistent effort/work to ‘tend to the garden’ that is your relationships with your friends and family. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690258598166-7JK15DSGB38TGHELNFAZ/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 7. Fun Engage in activities you enjoy, such as hobbies, art, music, or sports (for me it's my lifelong obsession with sports cars, or my love for strategic games of many kinds). These can provide a sense of accomplishment and joy, and get those feel-good molecules flowing. This is helpful for a plethora of reasons, the least of which is still important - an effective distraction from your troubles. Pro tip: the fun follows the action - just start doing it consistently and focus on the little moments of getting something out of it. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690258868599-O70HRDDF9LW6OCGAW6N2/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 8. Manage Stress Learn and practice stress management techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or spending time in a quiet device-free room or in nature. Take a bath, smell an overpriced scented candle, do something that calms your nervous system and pulls your mind away from the gravitational pull of thoughts that cause tension. Proactively plan your night after a stressful day (ideally using a shotgun approach using your own personal list of de-stressing activities). Letting stress stay in your body unattended day after day can lead to burnout and some not-good mental health situations/issues. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690259167999-LFK89Z0TWQZ4CKWZBGAS/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 9. Limit Screen Time Reduce the time spent on electronic devices, especially social media, which can sometimes negatively impact mental health either by disrupting sleep or by causing a sense of loneliness or unhelpful social comparison. This is especially important for youth and younger adults. Trust me when I say - its easier than you think to eliminate screen time for sections of the day, once you get past the ‘cravings burst’ (aka. that instinctive urge to check and do a little ‘doom scrolling’) which often takes about a week or so. Pro tip: use the ‘screen time’ function within settings in your phone to block all the ‘especially bad’ apps at a set time at night. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690259400413-IGW0TL1EOLNI92O58ZSU/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 10. Journaling Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly, as it can help process emotions and gain insights into your mental state. What does ‘processing emotions’ mean anyways - simply put, it's a person actually noticing emotion(s) that are happening, making sense of them, and (maybe?) also feeling them in their body (bodily felt sensations are a component of emotions!). Bonus points if you actually label the emotion(s) that are happening for you. Cheezy therapy saying incoming: “Name it to tame it”. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1690259595541-BDR8A5UWSJXHB3KS5V6O/image-asset.jpeg Mental Health - 11 Things to Work on to Improve your Mental Health (Besides Therapy)  - 11. Mindfulness and Meditation Well, this one is kind of therapy-like because you have to learn it somewhere, but I'm going to include it anyway. Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help reduce anxiety, improve focus, and promote emotional wellbeing. It allows you to be more present, including with noticing unhelpful thoughts / rumination which is often a huge causal factor with mental health. It involves being present in the moment and observing thoughts without judgment. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/blog-post-title-two-b2rc3 monthly 0.5 2023-07-31 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/9630709b-def3-4270-ab7c-1bcdd3c34b43/cio_emotional_intelligence_image.jpeg Mental Health - Emotional Intelligence 101 - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/130cc443-603a-43f9-a5ac-0d03e6ee0867/Screenshot+2023-07-18+9.10.41+PM.png Mental Health - Emotional Intelligence 101 - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/854b266c-1ad5-4ec8-bb92-3891b5cec8a5/Screenshot+2023-07-24+6.27.22+PM.png Mental Health - Emotional Intelligence 101 - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/stress monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/politics monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/coquitlam monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/mental+health monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/mindfulness monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/therapy monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/AI monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/psychotherapy monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/Environment+Alarm monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/anxiety monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/relationships monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/marriage monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/meditation monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/stress-anxiety-coping-101 monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/depression monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/all-about-mental-health/tag/coping+skills monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner daily 0.75 2026-03-03 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/changing-yourself-how-becoming-more-agreeable-can-radically-improve-your-marriage monthly 0.5 2026-03-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1772508837498-VT3JY0RJOLHAXRW1C69I/unsplash-image-QH8aF3B0gYQ.jpg Relationship Corner - How Becoming More Agreeable Can Radically Improve Your Marriage A landmark longitudinal study by Donnellan, Conger, and Bryant (2004) found that individuals higher in agreeableness experienced fewer marital conflicts and greater long-term relationship satisfaction. Notably, their partners benefited as well. Agreeableness had a contagious quality: one partner’s flexibility made the other more cooperative in return. Additionally, a meta-analysis by Malouff et al. (2010) showed that agreeableness was the strongest personality predictor of relationship satisfaction across multiple cultures and study designs. In other words, kindness and cooperation consistently mattered more than intelligence, attractiveness, or shared interests. Pro tip: Sorry to get a little ‘lectury’, but the old adage: “Marriage takes work” has truth to it, and this is a good general example. The moment your partner asks something of you, remind yourself “I want a healthy marriage" and take action! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1772509011581-CN7OXHGHP868PT67CCPW/unsplash-image-vzFTmxTl0DQ.jpg Relationship Corner - How Becoming More Agreeable Can Radically Improve Your Marriage When you say yes instead of reflexively pushing back, your nervous system changes gears. You move from threat mode into connection mode. This shift matters more than most couples realize. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1772509935367-YMKYQ4LPXK7Q4MQJKUBT/unsplash-image-LPckxbrqE5w.jpg Relationship Corner - How Becoming More Agreeable Can Radically Improve Your Marriage Change starts with awareness, not self-criticism. Becoming more agreeable does not mean abandoning your needs or values. Instead, it means learning to regulate your reactions so that your responses align with your long-term goals rather than short-term impulses. First, slow down your “no.” Many people reflexively resist suggestions, even benign ones. Before responding, pause and ask yourself: Is this worth opposing? Often, the answer is no. Practicing delayed responses alone can dramatically increase cooperation. Second, separate preference from principle. Agreeable partners learn to distinguish between matters of identity and matters of convenience. If your partner wants to reorganize the kitchen or watch a different show, saying yes costs very little and builds relational goodwill. That goodwill becomes invaluable when a true boundary matters. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1772510622262-A5A4GI00TV647IIP17RM/unsplash-image-OajGXnY5djw.jpg Relationship Corner - How Becoming More Agreeable Can Radically Improve Your Marriage Next, focus on emotional bids. When your partner seeks attention, validation, or support, saying yes means turning toward rather than away. Gottman’s research on bids for connection found that couples who consistently respond positively experience significantly stronger marriages over time. Pro Tip: Work on your ‘narrative flexibility’. Agreeable partners allow their spouse’s experience to coexist with their own. Instead of arguing about whose version of reality is “correct,” they make space for multiple truths. This skill alone can transform entrenched conflicts into collaborative problem-solving. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1772510747814-XCVOBKSCU9WV0EZSWEUT/unsplash-image-c8wwlTjRGuA.jpg Relationship Corner - How Becoming More Agreeable Can Radically Improve Your Marriage One common misconception is that agreeableness invites exploitation. In reality, healthy agreeableness includes boundaries. Therapy often focuses on teaching clients to be flexible without becoming resentful—a balance that protects dignity while fostering cooperation. Another barrier is identity. Some people equate disagreeableness with strength or authenticity. Yet authenticity does not require rigidity. Growth involves expanding your behavioral repertoire so that kindness becomes a strength rather than a liability. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1772510918791-CNO0JZBT5OLSLZKL1P6K/unsplash-image-AsFWbsBt7X0.jpg Relationship Corner - How Becoming More Agreeable Can Radically Improve Your Marriage Behavioral experiments—such as intentionally agreeing with your partner once per day—create measurable improvements in mood and relational closeness. Over time, these behaviors reshape internal attitudes, not just external actions. Pro Tip: Work on saying ‘Yes’ to something small you have sometimes said no to in the past. Notice if YOUR attitudes/thoughts start to change after you conscientiously do that for a few weeks. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/support-your-spouse-emotionally-how-to-make-it-in-make-it-or-break-it-moments monthly 0.5 2025-03-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742332763705-U45RA5DS3UMCD680DEDH/unsplash-image-SIU1Glk6v5k.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742332885856-SRBIFJYEPX37T3MTMSFS/unsplash-image-O3QGr8EtXig.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments - Reflect their emotions back to them with phrases like: "It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now." “I can see you look really tense right now telling me this.” “It looks like you are heavy and sad as you talk to me sweety.” “I hear you that this is really frustrating, and it sucks” Over time, this habit strengthens emotional intimacy and fosters a deep sense of trust in your marriage. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742333086572-W5U488CDJ5C11AR17HGY/unsplash-image-9vHPCKymSh0.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments I see/hear you are feeling (name an emotion), because (repeat back a reason they stated) …and also because (repeat back another reason) ……and also because (think of/find another reason why they may be feeling this way) Ex. “I hear you that you are really sad because you didn’t get the promotion… I could see this also being sad because we were talking a little about what you could do with the extra income… and also it makes sense your sad because you worked so hard for it" https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742333312572-448GJRUFVU2VIVQ44X64/unsplash-image-q-kJCPPzya0.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments - State the obvious to them by naming things like: “I’m here for you sweety” “I always care about you” “I’m here to support you today… and tomorrow… and all the days after” “I know this is hard, and it’s going to be ok in the end” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742333792616-QVC81ISMQMWW7UQIZ5X9/unsplash-image-vzFTmxTl0DQ.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments A warm hug, a handwritten note, or making their favorite meal can be powerful ways to show you care. Even small acts of service, like taking over a chore or running an errand, can communicate love and support during stressful times. Physical touch also plays a crucial role in emotional connection. Holding hands, offering a comforting touch, or cuddling can help regulate stress and reinforce the bond between you and your spouse. These small yet meaningful actions remind your partner that they are not alone. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742333884662-OG73W3QO7H3FIXN3G3EW/unsplash-image-T5lmpSYxnSU.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments Grief, whether from the loss of a loved one, a career setback, or other significant life changes, is a deeply personal journey. Give your spouse permission to grieve in their own way and on their own timeline. Sometimes they may need to talk, while other times they may need space. Let them lead the way, and remind them that their feelings are valid. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742334063170-5S6LGCRH5SJSX1WUYZJ0/unsplash-image-252c3DVk6gk.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments Pro tip: Emotional support now, when it really matters, will likely pay off with more and better sex later https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1742334238788-8YY0DQF8ZZX5ZUTR7R94/unsplash-image-Vc1pJfvoQvY.jpg Relationship Corner - Support Your Spouse Emotionally - How to ‘Make it’ in ‘Make it or Break it’ Moments If your spouse is experiencing prolonged distress, struggling with mental health issues, or processing deep grief, suggesting therapy can be a supportive step. Avoid framing it as a problem they need to "fix," but rather as a resource that can offer healing and growth. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/introduction-to-sex-therapy-transforming-relationships-through-understanding monthly 0.5 2024-11-12 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1731448694420-JXFGRU7BCAMMB2D4EW1X/unsplash-image-8RzUIUINtY4.jpg Relationship Corner - Introduction to Sex Therapy: Transforming Relationships Through Understanding For many couples, their sex life serves as a ‘canary in the coal mine’, meaning if there are problems or disturbances in their relationship, it often shows up in changes in their sex life together. Pro tip: the old adage ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure’ is true when there is a sex issue presenting itself in a relationship. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/0c4cf91d-e8f0-4fe0-a82b-ac692c26dad9/couple+couch.png Relationship Corner - Introduction to Sex Therapy: Transforming Relationships Through Understanding Sex therapy is a specialized form of counseling aimed at helping individuals and couples manage and overcome issues related to sexual health and intimacy. Sex therapy involves therapeutic techniques focused on addressing psychological, emotional, and physical factors that may be impacting sexual satisfaction and functionality (AASECT, 2020). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/196820ab-0b20-4fda-b48a-ce4b3d4e6fdf/Screenshot+2024-11-12+2.08.52+PM.png Relationship Corner - Introduction to Sex Therapy: Transforming Relationships Through Understanding Effective communication is one of the most essential elements in sex therapy. Many individuals and couples find it difficult to discuss sexual issues, often due to societal taboos, personal insecurities, or previous negative experiences. According to research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, enhancing communication in relationships can directly contribute to increased relationship satisfaction (Mark et al., 2018). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1731448413860-YW6QUV9GFCK0BGEDD48P/unsplash-image-pryAUCXGaU8.jpg Relationship Corner - Introduction to Sex Therapy: Transforming Relationships Through Understanding - What do I mean by emotional safety? It can mean a lot of things, such as: Not being worried saying ‘no’ will result in big, negative consequences Not being worried about the pain of sexual rejection Feeling comfortable enough to talk about sexual needs and preferences with a partner A general sense that my partner will not judge me for my needs and preferences A general sense that my partner will care for me and my needs and turn towards me and care when I speak about these things A sense that my partner ‘has my back’ in life A feeling that my partner wont be abusive, harsh, critical to me, especially when I’m being vulnerable https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1731449519248-FG01L8OOJXLE86ADULJH/unsplash-image-rYteFvqUGVw.jpg Relationship Corner - Introduction to Sex Therapy: Transforming Relationships Through Understanding A therapist might work with clients to address any underlying mental health conditions that may be impacting their sexual satisfaction. For instance, someone experiencing anxiety may struggle with performance-related concerns, while those facing depression may feel a reduced interest in intimacy. By addressing these mental health conditions, clients can experience improvements in both their individual well-being and their relationship satisfaction. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/3ae5da89-12be-4bcb-bc1f-eff5b0f3608d/Screenshot+2024-11-12+2.17.11+PM.png Relationship Corner - Introduction to Sex Therapy: Transforming Relationships Through Understanding For married couples, sex therapy can be instrumental in helping both partners understand the changes that may naturally occur over time. Aging, shifts in priorities, and personal growth can all impact intimacy, but with therapy, couples can learn how to adapt to these changes together. Here at HHLM, we are committed to helping clients rediscover intimacy, offering strategies that encourage growth and communication within their marriage framework. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/anger-management-101-a-guide-to-managing-emotions-and-preserving-relationships monthly 0.5 2024-10-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730125261407-NEQUTP4LCTTPDWLJWBGZ/unsplash-image-WwrQnL0Gi1c.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Anger and Aggression are significantly different: Anger refers to an emotional state which ranges from mild (being irritated, annoyed) to intense (rage) Aggression refers to a set of behaviour traits directed at destroying objects and injuring or punishing people. Aggression is one type of anger expression Aggression is almost always destructive Aggression often results in a negative outcome to the situation and harm to a relationship https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/e5556dd8-0ee8-47fe-b43e-598294a9f659/6+types+of+Anger.png Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/34bd5b93-8bc9-4f60-9266-bcb1b87ec6c4/CBT+-+Anger.png Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Make it stand out Cognitive-behavioral theory (CBT) offers valuable insights into how anger develops and persists. According to CBT, anger is largely driven by irrational beliefs, negative thoughts, and cognitive distortions. For example, when someone assumes their partner "should" always understand their feelings, or “should” always remember to empty the dishwasher, they may feel angry when this expectation is not met. The cycle of anger often begins with thoughts that misinterpret or exaggerate the situation, leading to heightened emotional responses. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/e619f8a0-20f2-4038-b760-71883560017b/Anger+warning+signs.png Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730051408905-U8WYS755DY9G23BILQBE/unsplash-image-rgUkMkDp3qs.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - “Talk Down” the Anger: Our thoughts really only send anger in one of 2 directions: thoughts make us more angry, or thoughts make us less angry. Usually individuals who have an ‘anger problem’ find themselves thinking in patterns like these: “Just who they think they are anyways?!” “I don’t have to take this” “they have no right to talk to me this way.” “this is so unfair to me.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730049337074-ZF9E9A68VSS5P3KI512F/unsplash-image-Lq1DhxAmeok.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Use Distractions: Really anything that will effectively take your mind off of the argument for now. Examples include: -doing chores -playing a game on your phone -watching a video on something, watching TV -calling someone and talking to them about something other than the present issue https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730049759613-D6M8KY80QPX3QX85AIQ6/unsplash-image-mmoyZb1cI0A.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Remember The Negative Long-Term Consequences: Sounds simple right? It sort of is. Fundamentally this is a mindfulness exercise. For many, it can powerfully cause a ‘pause’ in the anger escalation process, giving the individual time to slow down their anger. Pro tip: If you really follow it through and imagine 5-10 years down the road, what bad outcomes are likely to happen if you continue to have Unhealthy anger? It can get pretty scary/dark, and that future could be the way it plays out if you do nothing to change. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730051665995-CRPQAA0YO23EQHE15UR1/unsplash-image-NTyBbu66_SI.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Relaxation Techniques: Use techniques to calm your nervous system, such as: Deep breathing Progressive muscle relaxation Mindfulness Meditation Check out section 2 of this blog post for more info. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730048958601-XIBN8I702ZZS0VF71DKI/unsplash-image-0GFNAelMPZA.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Take a Pause from the Conversation and Have a Plan: 1) Know what to say when leaving - Ex. “I gotta take a pause”, “I care about you but I just cant right now” Pro tip: tell the other person (especially if that person is your spouse) that you care about them/their concern. 2) Know where to go - a place that is usually available/empty – its best to have a couple of options Pro tip: there is almost always a bathroom that is accessible and private. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1730049631208-S7KBKBCJK9R0SS2XL7KW/unsplash-image-ksWKFRLi85I.jpg Relationship Corner - Anger Management 101: A Guide to Managing Emotions and Preserving Relationships - Assertive Communication: expressing one’s needs or feelings clearly, as calmly as possible, in a non-aggressive way. Use I-Statements to articulate this clearly. Check out this blog post for how to do an I-statement. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/the-path-ahead-a-guide-to-pre-marriage-counselling monthly 0.5 2024-09-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726415415263-EBBL3TFNXK9MCDFW4MWW/unsplash-image-sUTjF7ckvAM.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Differences in values, particularly around household responsibilities and financial management, can strain marital relationships if not addressed proactively. Pre-marriage counselling provides a structured environment for couples to discuss and negotiate these essential aspects of life together. Research indicates that equitable division of household chores correlates with higher marital satisfaction (Carlson & Miller, 2017). Counsellors guide couples in exploring their expectations regarding cleanliness, organization, and division of labor, promoting fairness and mutual respect in domestic responsibilities. To start, list out what each partner likes/doesn’t mind doing, and what each partner hates doing - start with the easy stuff on who takes what and when, given your circumstances. Pro Tip: there are many ways to divide these tasks - often its ideal to have each partner have succinct ‘blocks’ (doing set tasks on X days of the week), or ‘tasks’ (ex. one partner always does laundry while the other always cleans the kitchen) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726415947886-D7W6BVK9L6R8LX0ICP1A/unsplash-image-1fzyz-bmKBw.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Discussions about financial values and practices are crucial for financial harmony in marriage. Understanding each other's attitudes toward money, spending habits, and long-term financial goals can prevent conflicts and promote financial stability (Dew & Dakin, 2011). Through financial planning exercises and guided discussions, couples can develop strategies for budgeting, saving, and making financial decisions collaboratively. Start by listing out what each person views as important in their spending - both with ‘unnecessary’ spending (ex. travel, fancy cars), as well as with spending more on essentials (ex. bigger home, eating organic). Rate the items on a 1-10 scale of how important they are, and go from there. Pro Tip: For most couples, you cant have everything - at least not right away. Prepare to accept there will be an ongoing balancing act between both of your preferences and needs. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726416393108-H6Q8ZO7JVRFWVMSZUCQM/unsplash-image-UrzN-8K1PCE.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Finding a balance between time spent with family, friends, and as a couple is essential for maintaining individual well-being and nurturing the marital relationship. Pre-marriage counselling encourages couples to discuss their preferences and expectations regarding social connections and personal time. Essentially, how many nights/week or hours/week does each partner generally prefer to spend by themselves vs. with just ‘their’ friends vs. with ‘our’ friends together vs. with family? What patterns in each of your lives do you see with these things? Research suggests that couples who effectively balance togetherness and individual pursuits report higher relationship satisfaction (Pietromonaco & Beck, 2019). Counselors help couples identify their needs for alone time, social interactions, and quality time together, fostering resilience and preventing feelings of neglect or suffocation. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726416742100-WGLMN7WER22W5XBW0GRP/unsplash-image-eoll6jVrEM0.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - In an increasingly globalized world, many couples come from diverse cultural backgrounds, each with its own traditions, values, and expectations. Pre-marriage counselling acknowledges and celebrates these cultural differences while encouraging couples to navigate potential challenges sensitively. Research highlights the importance of cultural competence in marital counselling, emphasizing the need for therapists to understand and respect cultural diversity (Lee & Koeske, 2007). By exploring cultural influences on family dynamics, communication styles, and relationship expectations, counsellors can help couples build awareness and acceptance in their marriage. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/4d8745ba-e265-4efe-be0a-db2894fa0518/unsplash-image-2bKV_yCHrU4.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Parenting styles and expectations can significantly impact marital dynamics and family harmony. Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) offers valuable insights into how couples can navigate parenting differences effectively. EFFT emphasizes the emotional bonds within the family unit and helps parents understand each other's perspectives and approaches to parenting (Dallos & Vetere, 2009). In pre-marriage counselling, couples explore their parenting beliefs, aspirations, and concerns. By addressing potential conflicts and aligning their parenting goals early on, couples can mitigate stress and promote a supportive environment for their future children. EFFT techniques encourage couples to cultivate empathy and collaboration, essential for fostering resilience and promoting mental health within the family. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726417169387-Q66I47Z3471L6D30NDUT/unsplash-image-zNHOIzjJiyA.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Beyond addressing potential challenges, pre-marriage counselling focuses on nurturing emotional intimacy and connection between partners. Research underscores the significance of emotional responsiveness and affection in sustaining marital satisfaction (Gottman, 2011). Counsellors facilitate exercises and discussions aimed at deepening emotional understanding and responsiveness. Techniques such as the Gottman Method encourage couples to express appreciation, share fondness, and respond positively to each other's bids for attention and affection. By fostering a culture of appreciation and emotional support, couples can cultivate a resilient bond that withstands the inevitable challenges of married life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726417317982-3AU40FCBC6ON4U9WMU4O/unsplash-image-rkNmc7ha7tU.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Sexual intimacy is a typically crucial aspect of marital life, yet couples often face challenges in developing compatibility and managing discrepancies in sexual desire. Pre-marriage counselling addresses these issues by encouraging open dialogue and exploring each partner's needs, expectations, desires, and boundaries. Research suggests that understanding and respecting each other's needs can enhance sexual satisfaction and overall relationship satisfaction (Mark, Janssen, & Milhausen, 2011). Counselors employ evidence-based approaches to facilitate healthy communication about sex, such as the PLISSIT model (Annon, 1976). This model provides a framework for discussing sexuality in a structured yet sensitive manner, promoting mutual understanding and intimacy. Through guided discussions and exercises, couples can establish a foundation of trust and empathy, essential for navigating differences in sexual desire and fostering a fulfilling sexual relationship throughout marriage. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1726417402591-DY1562AJD0NPVZ69Q6D6/unsplash-image-0anIhgoLKHg.jpg Relationship Corner - The Path Ahead: A Guide to Pre-Marriage Counselling - Marriage is a journey that requires ongoing effort and resilience. Pre-marriage counselling prepares couples for this reality by equipping them with communication skills, conflict resolution strategies, and strategies for maintaining intimacy. Research on marital resilience emphasizes the importance of adaptive coping strategies and mutual support during times of stress (Fowers & Olson, 1993). Through role-playing, scenario-based exercises, and guided discussions, counsellors help couples anticipate potential stressors and develop strategies for overcoming them together. By fostering a proactive approach to relationship challenges, pre-marriage counselling empowers couples to build a resilient partnership that enhances their mental health and overall well-being. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/the-weight-of-invisible-luggage-how-trauma-and-attachment-fears-affect-your-relationship monthly 0.5 2024-09-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1722095310949-2FQP6QPHWJIAYD12FWWF/unsplash-image-VDb0wxbfG6k.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship - 1: Secure Attachment Individuals with a secure attachment style generally exhibit a positive view of themselves and others. They are comfortable with intimacy, able to balance closeness and independence, and tend to have healthy, balanced relationships (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Securely attached individuals usually feel confident in their partner’s commitment and are effective at managing relationship conflicts. Pro tip: for those with secure attachment style - don’t let it go to your head! You are still responsible for your part in unhelpful/negative relationship cycles. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1722095650947-261MB3T9DMAMN2FASNY8/unsplash-image-vvuZkKvWZYI.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship - 2: Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Those with an anxious-avoidant attachment style often value independence to the extent that they may downplay the importance of relationships. They might experience discomfort with closeness and be prone to emotional detachment (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991). This style can lead to challenges in forming and maintaining intimate connections, as the individual may struggle to balance emotional closeness and personal space. Pro tip: we are always looking to be on that ‘growth edge’ wherein you are as close as you can be to your partner without getting overwhelmed and pushing them away/creating space from them https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1722096237930-RIOBC6SLKCXD2PKT1MW1/unsplash-image-InsSDcZtn4w.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship - 3: Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style tend to have a heightened sensitivity to their partner’s responses. They often require constant reassurance and may exhibit clingy or overly dependent behaviors (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). This attachment style can create a dynamic where the individual feels anxious about their partner's commitment and may seek excessive validation. Pro tip: Self soothing, developing self regulation skills - having ways to not always rely on your partner in order to feel ok/reassured - will be very helpful for any relationship you are in, in the long run. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1722096535770-M76QMBH2W1D2ZNGE7N00/unsplash-image-EuCll-F5atI.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship - 4: Disorganized Attachment Disorganized attachment is characterized by a lack of clear attachment strategies. Individuals with this style may have experienced trauma or inconsistent caregiving during childhood, leading to confusion about how to relate to others (Main & Solomon, 1990). They may exhibit unpredictable behaviors and difficulties in forming stable, trusting relationships. Pro tip: Do some critical self-exploration to uncover how/when you seek closeness, and how/when you seek differentiation (aka. how/when you push your loved one away). Understanding this will uncover which emotions show up and you can move to adjust accordingly - remember, your partner isn’t always the problem. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1722096778154-68GCVU4IQMD8U31RVN6X/unsplash-image-8SgQM_F0m_I.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship - Effective Communication: A Cornerstone of Relationship Health Effective communication is essential for addressing the challenges that trauma and attachment fears bring into relationships. Couples should strive to foster open and honest dialogue, expressing their needs and concerns in a non-judgmental manner. According to Gottman and Silver (1999), effective communication involves active listening, empathy, and validation. This approach can help individuals feel heard and understood, reducing the impact of trauma-related issues. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/e30176d9-6de4-407b-9456-573f293f388d/360_F_287368050_0xuKv02BjbInDTcNCy00FXF3GKJi7dbx.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship - Therapeutic Interventions: Professional Support Professional support through psychotherapy can be instrumental in addressing the effects of trauma and attachment fears. Therapists can provide couples with tools and strategies to manage emotional difficulties and improve relational dynamics. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) have been shown to be effective in helping couples navigate the challenges associated with trauma and attachment issues (Johnson, 2004). With therapists trained in both of these modalities (and more), We Can Help! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/ccace6c0-f17e-4523-9510-aa671d340088/Screenshot+2024-08-17+4.26.18+PM.jpg Relationship Corner - The Weight of Invisible Luggage: How Trauma and Attachment Fears Affect Your Relationship Compassionate communication involves expressing understanding and kindness, even in the face of conflict. This approach helps reduce defensiveness and promotes a collaborative problem-solving mindset. Strategies for compassionate communication include using “I” statements, avoiding blame, and focusing on shared goals (Rosenberg, 2003). This type of communication can mitigate the impact of trauma and attachment issues, fostering a more supportive relationship environment. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/navigating-the-memory-maze-a-guide-to-strengthening-your-relationship-amidst-disagreements monthly 0.5 2023-12-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1702660191897-P7HH6KCQIFIOXPBP0WV3/Screenshot+2023-12-13+9.02.16+AM.png Relationship Corner - Navigating the Memory Maze: A Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship Amidst Disagreements https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1702660239508-AOBIUKUNGG7V0JH9CIVR/Screenshot+2023-12-13+9.02.40+AM.png Relationship Corner - Navigating the Memory Maze: A Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship Amidst Disagreements https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/ca085647-a4bb-4f74-8579-fdea2b20bb1d/couplehappy2.jpg Relationship Corner - Navigating the Memory Maze: A Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship Amidst Disagreements Pro tip: Pushing aside the internal drive to ‘just get them to see what I see’ and calmly listen is the hard part. This takes awareness, discipline, and practice - sort of like when a kid learns to let a piece of chocolate melt on their tongue to get more enjoyment out of it, instead of following their ‘instinct’ to just scarf it down and grab another. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/ea6c2e4c-2b0e-46dc-bfb0-90a8fe6b05b4/couplehappy.jpg Relationship Corner - Navigating the Memory Maze: A Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship Amidst Disagreements - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/respect-the-dirty-word-in-therapy-unveiling-communication-strategies-for-a-stronger-marriage monthly 0.5 2024-09-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/8b1d6aa8-dfa1-460b-bf00-493931d2fc05/image-asset.jpg Relationship Corner - ‘Respect’, the Dirty Word in Therapy: Communication Strategies for a Stronger Marriage - First off, respect is a loaded term, carrying different meanings for different people. When one partner tells the other that they don't feel respected, it often creates a communication breakdown. In one sense, it is a phrase for a variety of emotional needs and desires that might not be accurately communicated with just this one word. What one person perceives as a lack of respect might be interpreted differently by their partner. This ambiguity can lead to frustration, defensiveness, and ultimately escalate conflicts rather than resolving them. In many cases, when someone says, "You're not respecting me," the underlying emotions and concerns they're trying to express get lost in translation. It's not that respect itself is the problem, but the word's broad nature can be counterproductive in fostering understanding and problem-solving. Respect can communicate an assumption of ill-intent, or even the idea that my partner is maliciously trying to ‘disrespect’ me - both very unhelpful things to convey! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1694751783654-GPDQ1B4GV1T86CLHCVTJ/image-asset.jpeg Relationship Corner - ‘Respect’, the Dirty Word in Therapy: Communication Strategies for a Stronger Marriage - If you want the full technique - an ‘I statement’ goes like this: I feel (emotion) … when you (specific behavior) … this affects me because (state how the above behavior and the result affects you) … I need (specific behavior) **Ideally, say this when you are calm (ish) https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/emphatic-listening-a-guide-for-men-in-conversations-with-your-wife monthly 0.5 2025-01-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1694399926568-SYB0TB6WMJVZJ7IFDEJH/image-asset.jpeg Relationship Corner - Empathic Listening: A Guide for Men in Conversations with their Wives - First off, Empathic listening is the ‘more effort but much better quality output’ way of communicating with your partner. Remember dads’ old saying “Do it right the first time” - well it applies here. Also, for some reason I hate that saying (err… do I have work to do?). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/cfcf975f-98a6-4c7f-a6db-0807184e34c6/Screenshot+2023-09-10+7.43.00+PM.png Relationship Corner - Empathic Listening: A Guide for Men in Conversations with their Wives - Stronger Emotional Connection: By actively listening and empathizing, you're showing your wife that her feelings matter to you. This builds a stronger emotional bond between you both. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/2798dfb3-4bc1-4108-a086-ef7439617479/Screenshot+2023-09-10+7.45.53+PM.png Relationship Corner - Empathic Listening: A Guide for Men in Conversations with their Wives - Reduced Stress: When your partner feels heard and understood, it can alleviate stress and make her feel supported, enhancing her overall well-being. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/the-6-common-areas-of-difference-that-cause-friction-in-a-marriage monthly 0.5 2024-09-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/d3b9c140-c1bd-4721-9fc0-b2c15222917c/image+1.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/d47836b1-ee51-4998-9efb-d425097c0cb2/image+2.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - 1. Cleanliness / Tidiness I think we all know this spectrum intuitively, although many of my middle/upper class clients don't really know what the nasty end of the spectrum really looks like. ‘Crack-house dirty’ to ‘Military mom, white-glove clean’, I’ve noticed over the years that a lot of people seem to assume that their values with this are ‘the right ones’ or ‘are how it is supposed to be’... this ‘my way is the right way’ attitude can develop into a big power struggle, as daily tensions keep ‘scratching the wound’ over and over. As with many of the things on this list - flexibility is key here. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/01b06d7b-6e29-4145-b31e-2e5660f64617/image+3.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - 2. Spender - Saver Dynamic Fundamentally, what is money for? This can get pretty philosophical, but the long and the short of it is usually: does money provide security or safety (saver), or does money provide the pleasures and conveniences of life (spender). A stark difference between a couple’s values here can cause friction on a weekly or even daily basis when the ‘saver’ sees spending that he/she wouldn't have chosen. There is always a conversation about how finances are split that can be helpful (ex. separate bank accounts for each other, or having a ‘fun’ account for one or both parties are a couple of options), or have a negotiation around what the ‘allowable limit’ for extra spending really is (and also what constitutes necessary vs. unnecessary spending), but fundamentally we need to honor the needs of the other and find a way to a middle ground or circumvent some of the issue by keeping (at least some) things separate to allow for autonomy. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/67c22dba-140b-4c60-8c2e-76e50037198b/image+4.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - 3. Closeness to Family In other words, how many hours of the week do you spend connecting with family? One 20 minute phone call every couple of months or an hour on the phone every day, plus dinner together most days? Or somewhere in between? The differences can cause friction in many ways, most notably that a higher closeness with family means that inevitably those family members will influence that partner's thinking and decisions… which affects their spouse. Often simple awareness and acceptance of culture, values, and why your partner is this way can be really helpful/transformative! Pro tip: you aren’t going to change your partners’ values with this - so accepting it and making the best of it is the optimal approach here. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/7027e09c-4840-43e2-b852-48cb592c933b/image+5.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - 4. Parenting - Empathic and Protective or Teaching-Focused and Inflexible In the most basic terms, there are a few traits that commonly go together which are often at odds with a co-parent who is not in the same place on the spectrum. On one end of the spectrum, the parent who tends to: Feel a lot of emotion themselves and conveys those to the child Struggles to keep their own emotions in check (around parenting / their child) Gets really distressed seeing their child in distress Wants to protect their child from pain, and sometimes the challenges of life (which inherently involve some risk of emotional or physical pain) Vs. On the other side, a parent who tends to: Avoid seeing and attending to emotions in their child Uses practical strategies to ‘fix’ problems Tends to lecture, persuade, and convince their child using arguments/logic Is focused on teaching the child values Is more confrontational, and often less flexible https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/c329c54a-25e6-4ede-a53f-24856f3a14be/image+6.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - 5. How much Enmeshment vs Differentiation Put simply, how much ‘us time’ each week does each partner want? A notable difference within the relationship can lead to a constant feeling of a ‘chase’ within the relationship wherein one partner never feels fully connected to or satisfied … and their partner usually has some big emotions come up when they feel they have to constantly push for space. There are many practical solutions with this, but some form of this is an inevitability within a relationship in the long term. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/6768d02e-3ea5-4fd9-8ea7-938145ddefb4/image+7.JPG Relationship Corner - The Common Areas Of Friction In a Marriage, Explored. - 6. Sex Desire Discrepancy In a vacuum, how many times a week/month would each person have sex? Guess what, that number is pretty much always different between partners. Sometimes this number will decrease for one partner in a subtle, hidden way after they start taking hormonal birth control or antidepressants. Or this can change in a big obvious way for a time if a partner has an injury causing pain through the days or gets a diagnosis of a serious illness and has no energy for days/weeks on end for example. In any case, how do we deal with this difference? There are many strategic or practical ways that couples can help ‘solve’ this issue in a practical sense (a ‘sex schedule’ is a common one), but the key to this, in my view, is to attend to the underlying emotions that come up around sex. https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/Blog Post Title One-s73np monthly 0.5 2024-09-15 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/blog-post-title-two-lxbjr monthly 0.5 2024-09-15 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/category/stress monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/category/therapy monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/category/couples+counselling monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/category/marriage+counselling monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/category/grief monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/stress monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/sexual+health monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/mental+health monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/marriage monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/men%27s+issues monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/couples+counselling monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/communication monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/marriage+counselling monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/Pre-marriage+counselling monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/relationship+counselling monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/erectile+dysfunction monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/relationship-corner/tag/grief monthly 0.5 https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/home daily 1.0 2025-02-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/abc79487-66f8-49c9-b846-13e8f4bd9429/IMG_4693.jpeg Home Providing you with a safe space to connect Appointments available in-person, online, or by phone. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ede5d5c4e1eb54d74680dd4/1592257873663-UIEP0NPR7WLXHEWM0EJF/image-asset.png Home hand-drawn armchair icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1601161339733-MSBA3M8L4G9F3C86M2WD/Screenshot%2B2020-09-26%2Bat%2B1.50.20%2BPM.jpg Home hand-drawn armchair icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ede5d5c4e1eb54d74680dd4/1592257964989-8DUQISWFIW61SQVEJ0WJ/image-asset.png Home hand-drawn aim target icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ede5d5c4e1eb54d74680dd4/1592257949474-24WVPWDYQ2XUALLQ3P2D/image-asset.png Home hand-drawn simplified needles in back acupuncture icon https://www.healingheartsandlovingminds.com/services daily 0.75 2025-06-12 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ede5d5c4e1eb54d74680dd4/1592257873663-UIEP0NPR7WLXHEWM0EJF/image-asset.png Services hand-drawn armchair icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ede5d5c4e1eb54d74680dd4/1592257964989-8DUQISWFIW61SQVEJ0WJ/image-asset.png Services hand-drawn aim target icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1601159177360-M5NDLZP3C89V7CH42MDE/Capture.jpg Services hand-drawn empty pill bottle icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ede5d5c4e1eb54d74680dd4/1592257949474-24WVPWDYQ2XUALLQ3P2D/image-asset.png Services hand-drawn simplified needles in back acupuncture icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/53168951-524e-4031-b81d-edf53103e8b8/at_news-culture_2020-04_black-puzzle.jpeg Services hand-drawn armchair icon https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/832f175a-0cf9-4208-9069-e0a5a9d795cb/supervision.jpg Services - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5f6f92bf42a37d0c57a8ef2a/1601163372580-IH3LZGHQRX2NDGCI9C3F/image-asset.jpeg Services - “Let go of who you think you are supposed to be; 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I seek to create a safe, calm, and open place for you to explore what is really going on. I have lived a richly experienced life - and I know first hand what it's like to be in a difficult place. I believe that my broad life experience - with both positive and many negative experiences - gives me an exceptional ability to understand, empathize with, and inspire the clients I work with. My training enables me to help clients explore uncomfortable underlying emotions, thoughts, and memories that keep them from living the life they want. Many of my clients comment on how I bring a positive, gentle, authentic, and sometimes fun energy into the work we do, and I do believe in bringing myself into the therapy room as a person and not just a therapist. I use a multifaceted approach to therapy including Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), and Non-Violent Communication (NVC) - what does that mean? I will be able to connect and work with you in the way that works for you - by orienting to thoughts, ideas, attitudes and beliefs, or by connecting to deeper, vulnerable parts of you, or by exploring how emotions show up for you and what you do with them.